Idiot here. Is it proof that Fauci did 9/11 harbor to fake the flat moon landing on 5g vaccine autism with gay-hurricane-powered Jewish frog space lasers funded by Bill gates and George Soros?
If you’re not having a stroke right now, I must be.
Fi yuo thnik yu’oer hvanig a steoerk, plaees clal 191 imemdaityl.
Oh my God, now he’s speaking Scottish!
First good laugh ive had in a bit. LOL
That should be a line in one of those comedy horror movies. “Oh God! He’s speaking Scottish! Run!”
The USS Enterprise drifted silently in the void. The warp core, normally humming like a gentle giant, pulsed erratically, casting an eerie red glow across the engineering deck. The ship had been through hell—again. Another battle, another crisis, another miracle demanded from its weary engineer.
Montgomery Scott sat in the dim light, his fingers tightening around a hyperspanner. His knuckles were white. His eyes, once twinkling with the joy of discovery, were sunken and dark.
“Push her harder, Scotty! Faster, Scotty! Save us all, Scotty!”
Decades of it. Day after day. Always fixing what the captain broke. Always asked to do the impossible. And he always did. Because he was Scotty.
But not anymore.
From the darkness, a voice crackled over the intercom. “Scotty, we need you on the bridge. The power fluctuations—”
The intercom went dead.
Scotty ran his fingers along the cold metal of the hyperspanner, his lips curling into a grim smile.
“Aye,” he muttered. “Time tae ease the strain.”
The first to go was Lieutenant Uhura. She had come down to engineering, concern in her eyes.
“Scotty, something’s wrong with internal communications. The system keeps—”
She gasped as something thick and metallic wrapped around her throat—one of the many cables hanging from the ceiling, repurposed for a darker function. Scotty pulled it tighter, his face close to hers, his breath hot against her ear.
“Dinnae worry, lass,” he whispered. “Yer voice has worked hard fer too long. Time tae ease the strain.”
She kicked, she clawed, but soon her struggles faded, and her lifeless body slumped to the floor.
McCoy and Spock came next, together. They’d noticed Uhura missing, of course. They’d come looking.
McCoy never even saw the hyperspanner coming. A single, well-placed blow shattered the doctor’s skull, leaving a crimson splash across the bulkhead.
Spock had a moment longer. He turned, raising an eyebrow. “Curious. You appear to be suffering from—”
The plasma torch in Scotty’s hand flared to life. Spock’s words were cut short by a scream—an unnatural, alien sound—as the torch met his flesh. He collapsed, his body twitching. Scotty knelt beside him, whispering in his ear as the Vulcan’s final breath shuddered out.
“Time tae ease the strain.”
Scotty let them run. He wanted them to run.
The corridors of the Enterprise were dark now, emergency lighting flickering as Scotty shut down systems one by one. The ship had become his hunting ground.
Sulu turned a corner, phaser raised—too slow. Scotty was already there, lurking in the shadows. A wrench came down on his wrist, sending the phaser clattering away. Another swing, and Sulu’s knee shattered. He collapsed, gasping in agony.
Chekov screamed and fled into the turbolift, slamming the controls. The doors hissed shut just as he caught a glimpse of Scotty’s face—grinning, waiting.
The turbolift never stopped. It climbed deck after deck, faster and faster, until the safety protocols failed, until the artificial gravity couldn’t compensate anymore.
Until it reached the top.
The doors slid open, and for a brief moment, Chekov had time to understand. Time to feel his stomach lurch. Time to fall.
From below, Scotty listened.
He never heard the landing.
The bridge was empty now. Only Captain Kirk remained.
He stood at the viewscreen, staring into the black. The ship was dead around him, but he had known for some time that it was more than that. His crew was gone. He was alone.
And yet, he wasn’t.
The turbolift doors hissed open. Slow, heavy footsteps followed.
Kirk turned.
Scotty stood in the doorway, covered in soot, in grease, in blood. The hyperspanner dangled from his fingers, dripping red. His eyes gleamed in the dim light.
Kirk exhaled. “Scotty… why?”
Scotty took a step forward.
“Ye always said ye needed just a little more power, Captain.”
Another step.
“Ye always said ye needed one more miracle.”
Another.
“Ye never thought tae ask what that cost.”
Kirk’s hand hovered over his phaser.
Scotty’s grin widened.
“Time tae ease the strain, Captain.”
The lights flickered one last time.
And the Enterprise fell silent.
One of the things I love most about Lemmy is how everything, no matter the context, becomes star trek in the end. It’s like that all evolution leads to crab meme, but in real life. All discussion becomes trek.
Excellent writing, btw! Love the story
We’re in agreement there.
Thank you!
Oh one one eight nine nine nine…
Gotta do it Scottish
Naught one one fo fo 9/11
…3
If you can’t tell which person in your group is having a stroke right now, it’s probably you.
Being in a group is a terrible time to have a stroke.
jk jk unless…?
You can give me a stroke
New Deus Ex plot sounds dumb
What’s everybody got against the Jewish Space Lasers? Rabbi Rabinowitz has been in charge of those lasers since 1998, and he’s been doing a damn fine job keeping the Martians and asteroids at bay! You know he’s only come down from Skylab II twice since he took the director’s position up there? You know what that much zero gravity does to a man? He’s been up there so long, he can’t come back anymore. He’s gonna die up there manning those lasers. That’s what Rabbi Rabinowitz has sacrificed for his country and planet! And the gall of some people, ranting about the Jewish space lasers. Are there Jewish space lasers? Yes! And they’ve been keeping your dumb ass safe from Martians and meteors for decades!
[In my head, I read this in Bernie Sander’s voice.]
I mean, it’s quite clear that there are Jewish space lasers, I saw them in this documentary many years ago
Lol rabinowicz is Slavic for son of the rabbi so “rabbi rabinowitz” sounds like a character from a Bourekas comedy
Yeah, I’ve used the name before in a similar tale. It just really tickles me to think that there in fact ARE Jewish space lasers, and there’s a brave group of rabbis up on a space station keeping the planet safe from extraterrestrial threats. And “Rabbi Rabinowitz” is one of the most ridiculously over-the-top Jewish names I can think of. And instead of nefarious conspiracies, it’s very fun to just be like, “what do you have against the Jewish space lasers?! How dare you insult the good work of the great Rabbi Rabinowitz! You ungrateful bastard. He’s given his life to save you!!”
Maybe getting clowned on will snap them out of it. Regardless, love the bit. Long live rabbi rabinowitz!
Uh, it’s hurricane-powered gay Jewish frog-lasers. Hurricanes CAN’T be gay alright.
Hurricanes happen because of the gays. Get your shit together, people.
The tooth is out there…
Nailed it in one, bro!
Proof that our sun is at the center of the universe and how IMPORTANT humans are in the universe
I mean, it’s arguably in the center of OUR universe :D
You are the center of your observable universe and I’m the center of my own. Granted, at this scale the sun is an acceptable approximation, but the earth’s center is even better.
hahah, the geocentric model confirmed!
I’m not at the center, I’m at the point of the cone of my observable universe
Our universe? We gotta share?
It’s actually mine but I don’t like to say the quiet part out loud.
Also, proof, the universe is flat.
THE UNIVERSE IS INSIDE YOUR EYE
CLICK HERE FOR CRYSTALS THAT EMIT HARMONIC WAVELENGTHS THAT SHAPE THE UNIVERSAL WATER IN YOUR EYE INTO IT’S HARMONIC FORM
Uuh… wrong? That’s obviously a Petri dish in full bloom?
Everyone knows this Universe exists solely as a grad student’s thesis experiment…
Are those the JO Crystals people have been trying to sell me?
JO Crystal is the name of my sister’s only fans.
Username checks out, I guess?
My mind goes round like a roundabout. Whistles and sings.
If your anus looks like this, it’s time to see your doctor.
It’s a bit gaping but not the worst I’ve seen
Have you really truly internetted if you haven’t seen goatse?
Doctor:
Omg we in an anus
For those wondering, this is a (cropped) version of a art piece called “The Celestial Zoo”.
The original:
So - bad OP for not giving credit/ citing reference?
No, just for those that wanted a more “in depth” understanding of the image.
The outer ring is made of 1-3 meter thick bedrock, but you can easily teleport through it. Just remember to bring enough material with you to make a portal to get back to our universe, otherwise you’ll have to starve yourself to death and respawn without your gear.
This comment got progressively better the more I read it
Its the observable universe in the shape of an eye, quite clever. We’re going to have to figure out how to not let stupid destroy our fragile societies at some point.
We did at one point. I love the turtle myth, for what it is, but shit like this use to just stay myth.
Now hear me out…
Blood for the Blood God.
I don’t understand what it shows. Instead of forcing me to make up some crazy shit, could someone explain it to me?
I think its just a circular logarithmic representation of the universe starting at Sol
just
I’ve recently learned Americans don’t do log tables in high school.
Log is the opposite of exponent, so log2 is the opposite of squared, log 3 the opposite of cubed. log4 opposite of x^4 etc
instead of making things relatively bigger, you’re going the other way and making things smaller, in the diagram this means that if the sun’s size is 1 unit, under log2 it would have to be twice as big as the sun to be represented as the same size as the sun, the closer you get to the edge the bigger it has to be to be represented as the same size as the sun
Not sure what Americans? It was absolutely part of our curriculum.
ah apologies. I take it back, then. Someone told me wrongly, obviously.
Log was absolutely a part of my American high school math curriculum, and while it may not make its way to everyone, many if not most Americans were exposed to it in school. But people have terrible memories when it comes to what they leaned in school, doubly so regarding math, quadruply so regarding higher-level math. Regardless of their level of educational exposure to math concepts, I certainly don’t expect the average American adult to be able to reliably do any math they learned outside of elementary school, myself included, because after a few decades of not practicing, not even thinking about those concepts, that knowledge is almost certainly gone or at least covered in a very heavy mat of mental cobwebs.
The further you look in the sky, the further back in time you are looking as well – there is no way to see what far way looks like “right now”. This image shows the visible universe as it appears from our perspective in spacetime, which necessarily smears together the “where”, “what”, and “when” of it all, but also shows the evolution through time of some of the larger structures.
The tendril things that converge into single celestial objects are clouds of gas condensing to form galaxies and clusters over billions of years.
If you hate this image then why post it. Fun image but please work on your titles lol, my point is it isn’t super good when you let some 1000 conspiracy theorists living in some niche forums live rent free in your head to such point they ruin cool images for you
I’m not the one who originally posted it.
Edit: your mom’s obviously not a flat earther. It’s true I may have a vendetta.
No wonder, those big dong conspiracists are the worst. Whole universe is nothing more than a giant penis? Ridiculous. All because of the low res labels on observable universe diagrams making a look like o and b look like d
Universe is a dick it’s their motto
Got a better resolution version?
I do but lemmy hates it.
Edit: wait a second. You’re not going to use it to make your universe eye cult, are you?
I just think it’s cool and want to look at it in more detail.
I’m trying to find the reddit thread I stole it from.
Edit: wait a second. You’re not just saying you think it looks cool so you can go form a ‘the universe is circuital cult’, are you?
don’t worry, even the dumbest out there know the universe is locally flat.
Concave even, in some cases.
I found the OG source from the comment while looking for the reddit post. https://pablocarlosbudassi.com/2021/02/the-infographic-and-artistic-work-named.html
If this is a joke, it’s quite treadful
https://pablocarlosbudassi.com/2021/02/the-infographic-and-artistic-work-named.html
Here you go, buddy. Go make that eye cult.
It’s not a cult. It’s just a group of like minded individuals.
And everything is welcome! I mean everyone
ALL HAIL THE GREAT EYE!
Kinda weird to put the sun in the center imo. Cause we’re not the center of it all. But if you put the earth in the center and started spacing out from there it would be pretty cool IMHO
I guess we are trained to see the sun as the center due to historic reasons. Really helps with not assuming everything revolves around us.
But the sun also provides a Bright center for the drawing so there is some artistic merit, I believe.
Why is it weirder to put the sun at the center than to put the earth at the center?
Well if Earth is at the center than this is everything we can see in the observable galaxy from our viewpoint. Having it this way seems like out solar system is the center of it all
We kind of had that discussion in the 16th century, really.
that was about the solar system though, not the observable universe
Just for artistic reasons so it can look like an eye
So the universe is flat, right?
Yeah that outer edge is called the firmament.
/s
That said the models of flat earth would make pretty dope wallclocks even if based on some wildly stupid shit.
Yeah that outer edge is called the firmament.
I mean, it’s not the worst name for the CMB.
But what about the attack on ganymede?
Remember the Cant
It reaches out it reaches out it reaches out it reaches out. One hundred and thirteen times a second, nothing answers and it reaches out.
deleted by creator
Looks like they were right. The universe is a sphere, not Earth!!
Scientists Prove Universe Revolves Around Our Sun!
