What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
i’m sure if we continue down a rabbit hole of discourse i’ll find multiple points where we can agree, but overall it seems we might have different outlooks on life.
that’s okay; people are allowed to be different!
i appreciate your civility and hope i didn’t offend.
remember to live well and for others, u/Classy. if only we all could.
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more.
I’m sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
i’m responding to this one comment but more generally to the sentiment:
i know this is just a green text
however, it still pisses me off. that’s the written word for ya, huh?
i think you’re one of the people who kind of gets that tho, it’s why im responding here.
the well wishes mean a lot, but, i don’t know if you’re ever truly in a better spot after that.
all we can do is make it better for the next guy. i used to think suicide was the answer. i realized if i was willing to hurt myself i should be willing to help.
token “im an atheist,” but i really think it doesn’t matter what you think. things are right for inherent reasons beyond us. only so many ways to cut a cake and all
Yeah this is a couple who haven’t really talked through their issues and may have some kind of executive dysfunction. A little time being very honest and crying through their own insecurities together would turn their lives around for the better. (executive dysfunction is a big word but common problem with anyone who has depression and/or anxiety. It just means you don’t have a solid distinction in your mind between what you want for yourself and your life, and how your feelings just run away with you and make small things huge obstacles.)
Not at all. Couple’s therapy is just a place for identifying and resolving the issues in a relationship and is useful for when a couple is struggling to do exactly that. Third party intervention can provide a different perspective for those stuck looking at an issue from a specific angle.
Absolutely. I haven’t done it yet, but we’ve been on the edge of divorce several times. We’re in an ok spot right now. If you’ve ever been arguing with a partner and find yourself thinking “This person is totally fucking detached from reality”, then yeah the therapist would probably get your back. Just keep in mind they probably think the same about you sometimes. And they might be right.
What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple’s therapy.
object original poster
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original oriented poster.
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are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
i’m sure if we continue down a rabbit hole of discourse i’ll find multiple points where we can agree, but overall it seems we might have different outlooks on life.
that’s okay; people are allowed to be different!
i appreciate your civility and hope i didn’t offend.
remember to live well and for others, u/Classy. if only we all could.
Your empathy is commendable but this is fake, homedog
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more. I’m sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
i’m responding to this one comment but more generally to the sentiment:
i know this is just a green text
however, it still pisses me off. that’s the written word for ya, huh?
i think you’re one of the people who kind of gets that tho, it’s why im responding here.
the well wishes mean a lot, but, i don’t know if you’re ever truly in a better spot after that.
all we can do is make it better for the next guy. i used to think suicide was the answer. i realized if i was willing to hurt myself i should be willing to help.
token “im an atheist,” but i really think it doesn’t matter what you think. things are right for inherent reasons beyond us. only so many ways to cut a cake and all
we did it guys, we found the REAL anon
I like this empathetic take.
Yeah this is a couple who haven’t really talked through their issues and may have some kind of executive dysfunction. A little time being very honest and crying through their own insecurities together would turn their lives around for the better. (executive dysfunction is a big word but common problem with anyone who has depression and/or anxiety. It just means you don’t have a solid distinction in your mind between what you want for yourself and your life, and how your feelings just run away with you and make small things huge obstacles.)
Nah once you’re at the point where you need couple’s therapy the relationship is over
Not at all. Couple’s therapy is just a place for identifying and resolving the issues in a relationship and is useful for when a couple is struggling to do exactly that. Third party intervention can provide a different perspective for those stuck looking at an issue from a specific angle.
Absolutely. I haven’t done it yet, but we’ve been on the edge of divorce several times. We’re in an ok spot right now. If you’ve ever been arguing with a partner and find yourself thinking “This person is totally fucking detached from reality”, then yeah the therapist would probably get your back. Just keep in mind they probably think the same about you sometimes. And they might be right.