Years ago I read a reddit thread saying you shouldn’t pursue friendships or relationships at your workplace. Then I again see all over the places over the internet that friendships don’t happen a lot after you become working adult and that they’re struggling make new friends. My question is If you don’t purse friendships, how would those happen?
Want to know about the thoughts of people over here.
It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers, and I do spend some time with them, but I preemptively block them on Facebook to have some safety. I do have them on Instagram but that’s 99% pictures of my dogs or maybe vacation so that’s harmless, with the odd goofy meme thrown in for good measure. But I do not add them anywhere I might express a political opinion or share something overly personal. (I also use filters on Facebook the odd time I do this). Someone once took a post of mine out of context and took it to my manager who met with me about it and scolded me with threats of discipline even though it actually had nothing to do with work, because this woman was in very deep shit for something else and trying to divert attention to other staff, because she’s like that.
Also a couple of my coworkers are sort of passive antivaxxers (in that they got the two doses mandated for work but spend time telling us about how the vaccine doesn’t work and we shouldn’t be forced, etc), so they are blocked everywhere and I share very little with them at work besides brief remarks. I have also had some bad days in the last year where I have simply said things at home are tough because I’m obviously not myself, but didn’t share what. I just keep a healthy distance but am reasonably friendly.
Yeah. You’re not going to be friends with everyone from work and over sharing with some people can be a significant problem. You’ve definitely got to pick the people you want to be friends with.
Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I’ve made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.
The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don’t want to bothered by it at work.
People are people wherever you meet them.
The other downside is the situation I’m in. I made friends with a bunch of coworkers, then I got promoted to be their boss. Makes for a very strange power dynamic, where I have to code stitch between boss mode and friend mode.
Plus, I’ve had to fire people who I’ve been friends with for years. That fucking sucks.
Been there. The worst part is how it sours you going forward. I have rarely made friends at work since then, coworkers or employees, because you never know. Missed out on what could have been good friendships, but it also happened again at another job, so hard to say if it was for the better.
I turned down a promotion this year for several reasons, one being that i didn’t want to supervise my friends. I didn’t want the awkwardness, and i was afraid my imposter syndrome would get much worse. My friends know too much, haha
Some of my best and closest friends were former colleagues, men and women. Just happened naturally. Other coworkers were very close during the work, but then drifted apart immediately when the work ended for whatever reason.
But, don’t have a candy dish, don’t be too inviting, don’t be known as someone who listens to gossip. That’s an important boundary to set.
Misery loves company. If anyone reading this has a “friendship” with a coworker based solely on bitching about the job or other coworkers, it’s a liability not a friendship.
There’s a difference between work friends and real friends. The rule I follow is that they get to be real friends only after they or I leave. You don’t want them to know too much for your own good.
My wife was my former coworker, and I couldn’t be happier. Do what makes you happy - random internet strangers should have little to no input on your life decisions.
I’ve made friendships that have survived leaving the workplace that I met them and I’m happy that I did it.
I’ve also worked at places where there was nobody that I could really make friends with, so I didn’t pursue any lasting friendship.
I’m not going to go out of my way to make every coworker a friend, but I feel like freezing everyone out limits the number of people with whom you can become friends.
It’s a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it’s good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.
But that’s really just poor wording.
Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.
Just choose wisely, take your time, and don’t be too trusting too soon. And don’t reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don’t know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.
We’re ambitious sociopaths, thankyouverymuch.
For real you’ve got to keep it tight until you really know someone. Don’t go telling everyone you smoke weed or something like that. You could do something completely innocent, someone takes it personally, and next thing you know you’re up for a random drug test.
But yeah one of the best friends I’ve ever had is my sometimes coworker.
One of my longest and closest friends was originally a coworker. It’s hard enough making friends as an adult. Don’t limit yourself unnecessarily.
You’re spending 40 hours a week with them, why wouldn’t you want to have someone to shoot the shit with, or have a lunch buddy etc?
I don’t pursue friendships. I let them happen. “How would those happen?” They don’t happen.
I recently came back from visiting my old boss. I stayed at his house for a week. (He lives on the coast in Florida; it’s great!) I’ve known him and his family for over ten years, and I consider them my dear friends.
But I still introduce him as the guy who fired me :)
(He objects, because he’s actually the guy who laid me off.)
