“Big strong person, woman, man, camera come up to me with tears in their eyes saying ‘Mr Trump… You shit your pants and stare off into space humming Ave Maria in a creepy and disconnect way like only the greatest of leaders couls ever dream of! No one could lead this country like you, sir!’”

I go camping late in the year and am often the only person in the entire campground in the middle of nowhere. It was mid November in Illinois and I was at a campground that you had to drive 20 minutes of heavily forested winding dirt trail to get to the site. There was already a strong creep factor. Around 2AM I’m laying awake and freezing my ass off when I hear a scream from the woods the sounded like something out of a 1950s horror film. Scared the living shit out of me. Stayed the rest of the night in the car with a shovel and a big fuck all knife.

I’d never heard an owl screech before. I didn’t know they did that.