Things were going great for me too. I was looking forward to heaven. I mean, sure, I’d lied, cheated, had bad thoughts, murdered a few people here and there, had wild sex with everyone, you know, the usual, but it was all good, still goin to heaven. But fuck me, I put the cereal in the refrigerator yesterday and now I’m doomed to spend eternity in hell. I was THIS close.

Nah, kids deserve more credit than that. I’m honest with kids (to an age-appropriate level) because it’s vital that they develop critical thinking skills. Considering the world they’re growing up into, they’re going to need all the training they can get to become able to discern fact from fiction.

I give kids legit reasons. I explore their “Why” questions. Then when I don’t know the answer, I’ll be honest but supportive, “I don’t know, but let’s find out.” We have to model what being a rational adult is like, and how we come to logical conclusions. Children aren’t going to learn this stuff from being brushed off or told some silly explanation.

That being said, it’s important to be smart about context. It’s reasonable and responsible to disengage from the conversation if someone demonstrates that they aren’t arguing in good faith, whether they’re an adult or a child. The problem is, a lot of adults jump to whatever explanation makes their own life easier, without any regard to how their response can shape the future adult they’re speaking with. If you’re truly concerned about kids’ futures, you have to acknowledge that there is a lot you know that kids don’t know yet. Offer them the benefit of the doubt and seize these opportunities to teach kids how to think for themselves.

One of the things my parents did understand correctly as “new money” is that a significant portion of piddling etiquette rules about what color to wear at what times of the year and which fork goes on the left were largely ways for the bourgeoisie to attempt to maintain their advanced standing against the increases in (the potential for) equality that capitalism initially brought about. Unfortunately my parents are also a very “well we got ours so everyone else must be lazy” type of people who think that’s as good as equality can or should get.

Except etiquette extends beyond just “common social etiquette”. Using a knife and fork the “correct way” is etiquette. Eating soup by scooping the spoon away from oneself is etiquette. Placing your cutlery the correct way on the dish when you’re finished is etiquette and varies wildly by country. These are just examples of dining etiquette, there’s much more. Its all bullshit and I agree it should boil down to being respectful and mindful, but depending who raised you it may happen that you get reprimanded and punished for not following very arbitrary rules.

I’m in the UK and have experienced all of this

Its actually what corporate needs.