I won’t be a father and possibly not even an uncle.

It’s been 9 years, I’m married again (happily), and my ex-wife is never coming back.

It’s difficult to go from best friends who tell eachother everything, to strangers.

It took a lot of therapy for me to realize that we both played a part in our marriage ending, and it wasn’t all my fault. But, I also learned in the process that my childhood really screwed me up, and I needed to deal with it, and reconcile with the fact that I didn’t have a loving childhood. The abuse, both verbal, physical, and sexual has had a lasting effect on me as an adult.

But, most importantly, I learned that I can heal from all of it, and grow as a person.

I think she’s happy now, and so am I. So even though I still miss her once im a while, I know things worked out for the best.

1. People die unexpectedly. Tell anyone and everyone that you love verbally that you love them (even if it’s man to man). Don’t leave anyone guessing as to how you felt about them.

2. Not everyone is a friend for life, even if you’ve been friends for 5/10/20/40/80 years.

3. People change and you can’t control that.

4. Recording the people you love speaking; preferably while you ask them about their lives. See #1

Realizing that I’ll never be able to achieve any of my previous hopes or “dreams”, it’s too late, and that life is fundamentally uneven and unfair.
Similarly, realizing there’s no sense of “karma” or balance in real life, it’s just a crutch that people can use to justify or rationalize things.

Where will be a last time we do something in our lives for everything

I’ll probably die a virgin. They won’t be able to come up with a movie about that. Lame.

They never loved me and I’ll be ok without them

People are disappointing, even family

That ultimately, no matter how many people I surround myself with, I will always feel alone.

That i wasnt born the opposite gender and that i was born in a transphobic country

I’ll never be the same again after my brain injury.

In some ways thats a good thing but Im not 100# sure I’ll get all the walking stuff back exactly

That America is a failed country, and there’s no point to staying and fighting if I can get out

That an unfortunately large portion of my family are stupid MAGA’ts. I always knew they weren’t exactly tip top in the faculties department but they usually had the right directions. That’s shits completely gone now. Sort of in relation to that. Just how dumb the average level is. The lack of troubleshooting capabilities, the disregard of knowledge, the irrational hate for the ‘other’ the just complete contempt for anyone who doesn’t directly effect you day to day. The schdenfraude from the faceless trump voters is a nice trickle but it’s becoming maddening how much of it there is. I’m finally beginning to understand the need for so much history in school. Unfortunately there is an uncomfortably large portion of the population that simply can’t learn from words and can only understand experience. It almost feels like a hidden great filter.

It’s that i won’t be having a long full life like my parents and I will have a much suffering up to my painful death.

Knowing the people who I ideally want to date or would have a better chance of dating, will forever be out of my reach because of missed opportunities in the past. For example, there’s a couple of friends I know I would’ve loved to date. One of them I could’ve had but nobody said anything to eachother and it had been 14 years ago when that chance came and went. We just mesh well together and can go the distance when it comes to conversing and getting along. But, I’m forever friend-zoned because nobody said anything when emotions were high back then.

And another thing is accepting the fact that you aren’t as compatible with some of your friends when you thought you were. The painful part is realizing this after so long. I had a massive friend exodus last year. I’ve lost friends whom I’ve been with for 15 years, 10 years, 5 years and 3 years in that order. And it was simply because at somepoint, we just ignored the part where we weren’t as heavily compatible as we once were. And it showed the more times we were at odds with eachother. Hell, I lost another friend this year who I had hit it off well for 3 going 4 years and it’s the same example.